Dear John,
We never got the chance to meet in person. I never got the chance to give you that big hug I promised. I never got to give you the huge smooch that leaves my pink lipstick on your cheek. And I never got to smack you on the butt… like a coach does to their team… when things are getting tough.
A quick butt pat… and a “Come On… Get back up.”
But your sudden death was a blow I didn’t see coming.
I feel like a Pinata… you know the donkey… or Ass… that hangs from a tree… with a dumb smile on its face as kids are beating the shit out of it! And the more whacks they take… they more I break a little.
But the amazing thing… is the more you hit this ass… the more wonderful surprises and treats come spilling out!
Thank god I have bigger “Balls” than Brains. Maybe that’s why I got Brain Cancer… And not Testicular… Because my BALLS are stronger than my brains.
In that one respect… I’m all soldier when it comes to marching forward… even when it gets so hard! Once again… Thank god I don’t always think with my head… sometimes I just go balls to the wall! (even when you kick me smack dab in the middle of them… I keep getting back up. Just please…. don’t kick me in the head!)
So, dearest John… your whack was really hard… really hard.
I have the most amazing Neuro- Oncology team in the world. But when I hug them… they never hug back as tight. I think I understand a little more why. It must be so hard to lose all your patients.
But I know I didn’t lose you, John…
And I’m gonna keep hugging everyone ridiculously close, huge Tracey lips kiss them… and give that inappropriate pat on the tush…
Because, John… that’s why you believed in me.
We never met… but I’ve read… and re-read all of your emails to me.
You raised thousands of dollars for my organization… without ever being to one event… or sitting through one meeting.
I was soooo looking forward to working with you when you got back from Florida.
Please be my Coach from up there… because I need a pat on the tush every once in a while to keep me going.
Luckily, I have a huge team upstairs. And A huge tush… so… keep them coming!
And this Ass… has a lot of goodies and surprises still left in her.
So, to John’s family, and John Jr. especially, just wait and watch what amazing little goodies and surprises pop up from this day on. They will come from John’s life… and his passing. Because they always do. Trust me… I’ve lost so many… and I’m always so overjoyed when I get to see firsthand… the beautiful things that happen after we lose someone.
And when they do… all the people John loved… and all the people who loved John… will celebrate in his honor.
John, I miss you… and will never forget you. Thank you for reminding me… not only that I’m an Ass… but that you believed in me.
It allows me to take all the beatings…
So, from the bottom of my heart… and my tush… I look forward to your constant coaching!
Love,
Tra